cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes
by midnightluck
Summary: The one where Ace really, truly, one hundred percent actually does not have a crush on Sailor Moon, really he doesn't, the crew can stop laughing any day now, seriously guys, come on.
1. c'mon it's not even a proper panty shot

_All rights belong to their respective owners (Eiichiro Oda,_ _Naoko Takeuchi, Bare Naked Ladies)._

 _look this is straight up crack okay but there's art for it over on Ao3 or Justm3h's tumblr. also this is kinda a sidestory, there's definitely more coming, this au is fun.  
_

* * *

"But what about those legs, though," someone says across the bar, and there's a round of truly disgusting sniggers.

"Bless sailor skirts," Jozu sighs, and Ace allows his head to fall fully forward onto the table.

Marco sighs. "It's not like they get a say in their outfits," he reminds the crew.

"But Jupiter's is long," Someone points out. "Isn't it, like, ankle length?"

"Yeah but everyone knows Jupiter is Jinbe the Warlord; the fishmen are really, really proud of it. Who wants to see that?!"

"I heard there's a Sailor Scout in the Marines now," Haruta jumps in, because rumormongering is her life. "And that the Moon Princess herself is somewhere in the New World!"

"No way!"

"What, really?"

"We'd've heard something by now-"

"I heard she was spotted-"

"Oh, I hope-"

"Those legs, though, am I right?"

"-seen the new Wanted poster?"

Ace shuts his eyes and wishes really really hard that he were anywhere else, because yeah, he saw the new Wanted poster. It's objectively a good picture, with the Moon Princess coming up out of rubble like a wrathful angel, armor torn and eyes blazing. And legs spread and braced, and it's just _barely_ not a panty shot.

"Oh, yeah, we're gonna steal a case of them," Thatch says, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

"We are?" Jozu asks, looking towards Marco.

Marco shrugs. "It'll keep morale up," he says, and finishes his beer.

Haruta leans over towards him. "You're not, y'know, jealous?"

Marco levels a look at her over his empty glass. "The Princess has always been the cutest one," and there's amusement heavy in his voice. "Always has been, probably always will be."

"I met her once, y'know," an unsteady voice claims, and Ace starts paying attention again. Everyone turns to the older man sitting in the corner, smacking his lips and looking mighty pleased with himself. "Saved me, she did!" And then he stops and waits 'til someone buys him another drink before continuing. "I was just coming in for the day, from fishing, right? And I was unloading my catch, trying to hurry to get out of the heat, and then suddenly the building across the street started falling over! There was dust and rock everywhere, and lots of explosions and bangs, and then there was this big awful purple creature. Looked like a big, taller and thinner than a man could be, and the Moon Princess was fighting it! And when the building fell over, it was coming at me, but I had got all tangled in my net and couldn't move!

"And then she was there and she lifted me right out of the net, easy as breathin'! Jumped what must've been ten feet straight up, over the buildings across the street, and put me down there, and told me to get to safety. Her voice was like bells, all soft and pretty, and she went right back to the fight and beat up that creature, bam, no sweat!"

There's ooohs and scattered applause for the poorly-told story, and Haruta pushes herself forward to get more details. When snippets such as "delicate wrists" start drifting over, Ace chugs his own beer and stands to get a refill. It's gonna be a long night.

When he gets back with a pint for himself and also one for Marco because he is a good friend, Haruta's back and the conversation has gotten low and fast.

"-but does the magic give you, you _know_...super stamina?" Thatch is asking Marco, and Ace is _done_.

He slams Marco's drink down in front of Thatch, soaking the man's pompadour. "This," he growls, aware his face is flushed, "is disrespectful. And I'm leaving."

"What?" Jozu's saying but Ace is turning to leave. He has other things to do tonight than listen to speculation on Sailor Moon. More fun things, like murder, or maybe suicide.

"Ace." Marco's voice cuts through the haze in his head. "Ace, yoi. You okay?"

"Am I-" he tugs at his bangs in a nervous twitch, then flings his arm out. "How can you _listen_ to this?" he demands. "Being-who you are."

"They're not talking about _me_ , even if they were talking about me," he says vaguely, but Ace gets it. Marco's not about to admit to being Sailor Venus in a crowded bar, for all it's the worst kept secret on the Moby Dick.

Still, "It's not _right_ ," he grinds out. He never needs to think about Sailor Moon doing-doing _that_ , and even the thought is making his skin flush so much redder.

There's a soft gasp, and he glances sideways to see Haruta studying him and no no _hell_ no, he doesn't want to draw any attention, he just wants to go back to his bunk and smother himself in peace.

"Ace," Haruta says in tones of deep revelation. "Are you-"

He braces himself.

"Are you _crushing on Sailor Moon?!"_

"NO!" is his immediate and loud denial, but he knows if he looks down, the blush will be sliding splotchily across his collarbones. "No, I _hate_ the Moon Princess, absolutely not."

"You should've said!" Thatch says excitedly, getting up to catch Ace in a friendly headlock.

"I don't!"

"How're we supposed to help you bag your Princess if you don't tell us?"

"You're not because I'm not! Because-get _off!_ "

"Admit it!"

"But I don't!"

"Admit it!"

Ace growled, twisting in Thatch's hold, and gives him one more warning. "Let me go."

"Or whaaaa _aaaaaaa-"_

Haruta whistles. "Damn, Ace. Vicious."

"I'm out," Ace announces again. "Before the stupidity becomes catching."

And this time, he makes it out the door. There's whispers and laughter behind him, but the low whine of Thatch's pain is a pleasant enough counterpoint.

Maybe he can find some left over razored wire to floss his brain with, and when he wakes up it'll be like nothing ever happened.

* * *

Probably breaking the headlock with that particular move had been overkill, but a childhood with his Gramps has taught him that overkill is never enough kill. He at least pulled it enough not to leave a bruise or break Thatch's nose, so it was only a severe overreaction instead of a straight-up attack.

Ace still feels mildly bad about it the next morning. Bad enough, at least, that he's considering apologizing.

He considers it all the way up until Izo catches his arm on the way to the cafeteria and wants to tell him all about the time he watched the Moon Princess defeat a youma. He's still half asleep and thinking of yesterday, so it takes him most of the familiar story to catch the pointed descriptions and more pointed looks.

Thatch spread his poisonous lies to Izo, and Haruta was there last night. That means even odds that the whole ship will know by noon.

Ace stops considering apologizing and starts regretting not properly breaking Thatch's nose when he had the chance.

* * *

Namur is really just minding his own business. Humans are ridiculous at the best of times, which this decidedly isn't. But Ace is generally pretty reasonable, as far as humans go, so Namur has been ignoring the latest rumor going around.

Honestly, it traced back to Haruta, which means it had about a thirty percent chance of being true. Namur takes anything she says with an ocean of salt.

But this morning Ace is pacing the bow, muttering and playing a single-player game of increasingly violent charades. There's stabby deaths and burny deaths, and what looks like a spine-pulling-out death, and that's possibly a variation of the disembowling death?

Namur doesn't approach so much as gradually migrate into Ace's path. He's eventually close enough to catch Sailor Moon's name a rather inordinate number of times.

"You good?" he asks when Ace stops a few steps away to do a strangling death.

"I'm gonna kill Thatch," Ace says, and stalks away. Dire threats trail in his wake like dead leaves.

Namur nods, and remains sitting where he is, leaning on the railing. When Ace eventually comes back, he asks, quietly and carefully, "Sailor Moon?"

Oh, that's the pulling-limbs-off death, and Namur shrinks back a bit because Ace is putting off serious heat. "I hate her," Ace tells him, eyes far away. "I hate the damned Moon Princess and everything she stands for and there's nothing I wish for more than her erasure from existence."

"Right," Namur nods agreeably, because Ace's fists are flirting with flame right now. "She's awful, right?"

Ace makes a violent screeching sound and tugs at his bangs, then says, "She's not awful, and it's not her fault I hate her; it's just her existence that's the issue!"

"Oh," Namur says, nodding some more and scooting further away. "Right, okay, sure. Existence, I see."

"So awful," Ace groans. "Sometimes I think my whole life is a joke, and then shit like this happens and I _know_ it is."

"Mmhmm," Namur hums, trying to be unobtrusive and also maybe slipping forward under the rail a bit. "I just gotta-" and he slips into the ocean below.

It's only about a twenty foot drop, and anything is preferable to staying where he was. Haruta was their intelligence master for a reason, he supposed, and next time, he'll trust her at least enough to not go poking around himself.

* * *

"You should ask her out," Thatch tells Ace casually, sliding the last plate over.

Ace glares at him but doesn't stop 'til he's cleared all the food away. Then he burps, aggressively forgets to excuse himself, and says, "No."

Thatch just grins at him. Ace scowls back. Thatch widens his grin just past the edge of madness, and Ace breaks and looks away first.

"I kinda hate Sailor Moon," he says, slumping onto the tabletop. "I don't see why you're convinced otherwise, but please, for the love of the Blues, let it go."

Thatch's grin softens into something real and he leans over to drop his arm over Ace's shoulders. "What kind of sibling would I be?" he says, both teasing and sincere. "If you really like this girl, and it seems you do, then it's up to us as your supportive and wonderful siblings to play wingman for you!"

"I don't like her," Ace despairs, but he's also given up hope that anyone's actually listening to him about his own feelings.

"I never figured you for a prude," Thatch says over Ace's protest and ignoring the fresh blush, "but if all you wanna do is hold her hand and bring her flowers, then I'm here for you, bro. Well, okay, Izo's probably better, he knows more about flowers and stuff, and, well, Vista's the only Commander who's managed a stable relationship, you'd probably wanna ask him about that-but I digress!"

"You could just _stop_ ," Ace suggests hopelessly.

"The _point_ -" Thatch says right over him, "-is that we're here for you! No matter if you just wanna stare at her from afar or take her and-"

Ace slaps his hands over his ears and shamelessly and desperately says, "LA LA LA" until Thatch's mouth stops moving.

"Prude," Thatch points out, then continues anyway. "Basically, we just wanna help you be happy!"

"It would make me really, really happy if you would all just stop," Ace assures him, but Thatch just shakes his head and laughs.

"We're gonna get you over this shyness, no worries," he says, slapping Ace on the shoulder, and he steals the empty plates and leaves the table before Ace manages to get his mouth closed or his voice back online.

" _I'm not shy!"_ he bellows at Thatch's retreating back, but doesn't expect it to change anything.

* * *

Vista really never meant to get involved in Thatch and Haruta's crazy. Really, he didn't. He's long since learned that when one of them gets an idea, his best bet is to hide until everything blows over, and when they're conspiring together he tries to get long missions, far away.

So he's not sure how he's ended up here, clutching Thatch's handmade monstrosity.

He glances down, again, at the collage. The Sailor Moon from the third Wanted poster is cut out very carefully and glued next to a cut out of a sleeping Ace, a picture from any given day. He suspects, in the way that it's only suspicion because he never wants proof, that it was Haruta who raided Izo's magazines to find the white dress and black suit that they pasted over them. Although, possibly Izo volunteered them himself; everyone else seems to be catching this madness too.

Unless and until Ace himself tells Vista, "Please help me woo this girl," he's not going to believe his generally level-headed friend is heels over head for someone who he'll probably never actually meet.

But Haruta was very persuasive and he did owe Thatch a favor, and if attaching this frankenstein's creature of a wedding montage to Ace's door will get him out of hock with Thatch, Vista will take it. Owing Thatch favors is dangerous.

He sidles down the hall, sticking as far into the shadows as he can and stepping slow and light. He pauses around the corner, dithering. Maybe Ace is still asleep. Maybe Ace won't see him and he won't have to offer to talk and-

-and Ace's door is opening. Vista quickly shoves his hands behind his back, keeping the poster flat and pressing back around the corner. Ace only went back to his room about twenty minutes ago, he generally sleeps much longer than that-

-that's not Ace.

Pink boots, blue skirt, glowing necklace, shining hair ornaments, and the way her face is only a vague impression of _pretty-wide eyes-magic_ all but screams that this is the real deal.

Sailor Moon is leaving Ace's room in the middle of the day. Ace said he was gonna go take a nap, and now twenty minutes later Sailor Moon is leaving Ace's room.

Well.

Okay.

Vista swallows and watches her glance around and scurry off down the hall, the poster burning into his back.

He's still not getting involved in Thatch and Haruta's madness, he's really not, but maybe…

Maybe, just this once, they're actually onto something.

* * *

"Marco! Marco, c'mere, hurry-"

"What? Haruta, slow down, what-"

"It's Sailor Moon, come on, hurry, she might need your help!" And suddenly Haruta's not towing Marco anymore as he keeps pace.

Haruta hurtles down the street, saving her breath for running now that she's convinced Marco. They blow past Thatch and Kingdew, and she takes the corner fast enough to overbalance. But there, right in the middle of the street, there's Sailor Moon, large as life and twice as pretty. She's panting but standing strong, and there's only one youma left against her.

Haruta grabs Marco to stay upright and ignores Thatch and Kingdew arriving just behind them. Her eyes are only for Sailor Moon, who's straightening up and taking a pose.

Sailor Moon raises one hand up, a small pink wand twirling over her palm. She grasps it firmly and " _Moon Healing Escalation!_ " rings out. The wand drips glittering moondust as she spins easily and above gravity, and then she draws the outline of a full moon in front of her, her back an elegant arch. The light shoots forward, carried on the moondust, and it spins around and envelops the youma until the creature breaks, revealing a regular guy, who collapses the moment the magic lets him go.

Sailor Moon huffs and stumbles just a bit, catching herself and standing firm once again. She scowls at her wand and it turns into sparkling light, reforming into a necklace of large beads, and Haruta sighs happily.

Sailor Moon sighs, tugs her skirt down with one hand and flips her bangs away with the other, and then turns to face them. "What," she asks, delightfully grumpy.

"Thank you!" Haruta says, linking her hands together so she won't reach out. "You saved us!"

Sailor Moon gives her this real unimpressed look. "Why'd you come running?" she asks. "What are you even still doing here? Why didn't you set sail the moment this started?"

"Couldn't, yoi." Marco shrugs, only a tiny bit out of breath and hand still hovering over his chain. "You might've needed help."

"Thanks, Venus," Sailor Moon says, mostly sincere and only a tiny bit bitter, and Marco's eyes widen a bit. Haruta bites her lip; that answers the question of _if_ Sailor Moon knows, but raises three more on _how_. "I think I can handle a few youma all on my own."

Marco shrugs, letting it go, and Haruta jumps in. "Well, we're still looking for Ace anyway, couldn't leave without him!"

Sailor Moon rolls her eyes, and Haruta is suddenly aware of how big and pretty they are. "I saw him earlier," she says. "Leave the poor kid alone, seriously. He looked like he was about to cry."

Ace had gone ashore with Thatch and Kingdew and Curiel, Haruta suddenly remembers. Thatch is to blame, then, if Ace is crying or dead. She makes a mental note, and refocuses on the fact that Sailor Moon knows Ace enough to recognize him on sight.

"Oh, of course," Haruta says, folding her hands under her chin and leaning in. Anything Sailor Moon wants, she'll make happen. This is so exciting! "If you say so, of course." She's babbling, and also suddenly really wondering what flavor Sailor Moon's lip gloss is. "Thank you so much!"

"Did you see where he went?" Thatch asks from behind her, and she can tell, he caught that Sailor Moon knows Ace's name as well. He's just really bad at subtlety. "Can you show us, maybe?"

Sailor Moon immediately shakes her head and Haruta steps back heavily onto Thatch's foot. "That way," Sailor Moon says, jerking a thumb towards the mess of alleys and sidestreets behind her. "Probably lost. And I'm late, so good bye, stay away from youma, nice to see you, Venus, let's do this again never."

And she's up across the rooftops and gone before anyone can react, heading towards the harbor. There's an appreciative moment of silence as they all watch her go.

"She's amazing," Haruta sighs, and lets herself fall over onto Thatch. "I want her and I want to be her and I want to be her bestest friend and paint her nails and worship her face."

Thatch scowls down at her and pushes her back upright. "Ace has dibs," he reminds her, and she sighs and slumps against his hands, refusing to take her own weight.

"I know," she says sadly, "but let me have my dreams."

* * *

By the time the four Commanders find Ace, snoozing face-down in an alley close to the entrance of the warren of the city center, Sailor Moon is long, long gone.

Haruta stoops down to poke Ace's face. Ace makes a grumbling noise and rolls his head to the side, but doesn't wake up. Marco sighs, and moves to pick Ace up, but Thatch stops him.

Instead, he squats down beside Ace and croons, "Sailor Moon~"

Ace makes a horrified snorting sound as he chokes on an inhale and coughs himself into wakefulness. He hacks and sputters for a good half a minute before he can breathe again, and even then it's uneven.

"What," he sputters, and stops to finish coughing up a lung. "Why. Why would you."

"Because you missed her," Thatch says, grinning madly. Marco sighs and leans against the alley's entrance, and Haruta is barely upright she's laughing so hard.

"Good," Ace says, and scrambles to his feet in an incredibly graceless way. "I hate her and never want to see her, not ever."

"Not entirely sure she's a her," Marco says casually. "That a dealbreaker?"

"No," Ace sulks, crossing his arms, and Haruta squeals. "Because there's no deal to break!" he hurriedly explains, but it's far too late. "She could be a purple mermaid tentacle creature and it wouldn't change how much I hate her! Him! Them! Whatever!"

"Interesting type," Thatch muses, failing to keep a straight face. "I hadn't pegged you for purple tentacle monsters, but…."

Haruta gasps and falls over.

"I despise everything," Ace tells them all, and is unsurprised that even Marco's laughing at him. He sighs, flicks his bangs away, draws the tattered remains of his dignity around him, and keeps his chin up as he ditches the losers in the alley.

"Wait, Ace!" Haruta gasps. "She saw you! knows your name!"

Thatch cackles. "She thought you were crying! Good first impression!"

Ace ignores them magnificently and doesn't slow down. Marco follows, still chuckling, but he's pretty sure the other two are still dying all over each other back in the alley.

At least someone can laugh at the mess his life has become, because he's sure as hell not at that point yet.

* * *

They get a letter one day, and it's from Shanks. Well, Ace says "get", but it's more like "recovered from a confused and hungover crew member found passed out in a cave last shore leave".

It's a simple envelope with Ace's name-well, a reasonable approximation thereof-on it, wrinkled and stained but still sealed. The poor crew man still doesn't really remember that whole week, but he's still hungover and having nightmares about red laughter, so it's a pretty safe bet that it's from Shanks.

Haruta marches it right to Ace, even though it's lunch time when they find it. It's from a yonko, after all, who's gone a real roundabout route to get a letter to Ace, specifically. It could hold valuable strategic information, or, even better, really juicy gossip.

Ace frowns at it but opens it immediately, to Haruta's private delight.

Ace stares at the single, torn up sheet for a long slow breath, and Haruta twists behind him immediately to blatantly read over his shoulder.

It's a good thing she's small and fast, because she barely sees the familiar Sailor Moon Wanted poster, the new one featuring the smile and the pose and the sparkles, with a bold red "HA HA HA" scrawled across it before it crumples. Then it catches on fire.

"I hate him," Ace says, voice low and cold. "It's a shame I owe him my life because I'm going to burn out his spine."

Marco, seated next to him, had also got a glimpse, and is watching the spectacle happily. "He's probably very flammable," he offers. "He'd probably burn for days, yoi."

"Next time I see him, we'll find out," Ace promises to Marco's great delight, and then he turns back to his food.

Haruta beams. Even Shanks ships it, wait 'til she tells Thatch!


	2. boy why you lyin you know it ain't peach

Ace wakes up draped over Marco's shoulders and halfway through some kind of story.

"-must be this big, really," the guy says, standing on tiptoe and waving his hand as high as it will reach. "I swear, my mother-in-law almost didn't let us come back, even during the day!"

"Why am I listening to this?" Marco asks Haruta.

"Tell him about its skin!" Haruta prompts the guy, and Ace yawns massively.

Marco lets go of Ace's arm, letting him drop to his feet, but Ace doesn't push off or away yet. He yawns again, rubbing sleep sand out of his eyes.

"The skin was dark purple, like a wrong sky!" the guy's saying, and Ace blinks himself into wakefulness because Marco's tensing against him and that sounds a lot like a youma.

"Did it feel like sickness?" he asks around one last yawn, finally standing on his own. His shoulders pop as he stretches up and out, and he completely misses the sideways look Marco slides his way.

"Yeah!" the guy says, startled. "Yeah, like, like...like when you get a cough stuck in your throat!"

Ace nods, because that's more or less what a youma feels like; it's pneumonia down your spine and a fever in the dark, and a gradual creeping of evil just out of sight. Or maybe he's just really sensitive to the feeling, who the hell knows.

The point is, Marco's nodding and Haruta's reassuring the guy that they'll take care of it. Ace wanders off back to the ship, wondering if he'll have enough time to finish his nap before they get there.

He doesn't, it turns out, because the guy's mother-in-law's house is on the island just across the bay. It takes them maybe an hour to get back to the ship and across the cove. Of course, they leave with far more people than they started with because Haruta was involved and rumors are her life.

People pile into the small landing boats despite the potential danger. Marco sighs, watching them go, and then turns his back to the scene.

"I can't believe our crew," Ace tells him, face sour.

"I can," Marco sighs. "Everyone is hoping Sailor Moon will show up, yoi. Of course they'll risk danger for that."

Ace sighs, then pushes away from the rail. "Well, not me," he says. "I didn't finish my nap earlier, so I'm gonna go do that."

Marco watches him with mild disbelief. "You sure you don't want to come, yoi? I'll introduce you, promise."

"You couldn't drag me there," Ace promises. "I hate the Moon Princess and everything she stands for; why would I voluntarily go where she's gonna be?"

"Oh, right. You hate her, I forgot, yoi," Marco says, and if his mouth is steady his eyes are laughing.

Ace crosses his arms and sulks away. He still doesn't get why no one believes him when it comes to this, but he's willing to chalk it all up to the extreme bad luck that follows him everywhere.

* * *

Marco watches their youngest skulk away and lets his smile out. One day, Ace will learn that ignoring his feelings and pulling people's pigtails is not really the way to handle a crush, but that day is apparently not today.

He sighs, and resolves again to talk to Sailor Moon about it, if he gets a chance. The Moon Princess is not...very communicative and open at the best of times, but Marco will try. For Ace, he'll try.

When the main rush to get to the island has faded, he turns back towards the beach and lets the fire take his arms. It's a very short distance, as the phoenix flies, and he passes over most of the landing boats and still gets there first.

He makes sure to land right in front of Thatch and Haruta in a spray of sand. They've set up lawn chairs and an umbrella and Thatch has a very fancy-looking drink in one hand and Marco hopes that he got sand all in it. This is a very dangerous battlefield, or it will be soon, and they should respect that.

But they won't and he knows it, so he sighs and before they can yell at him, he thrusts one hand up and says, "Venus Power Makeup!"

The familiar transformation is almost comforting, stars falling easy around him, and he lets the ending pose happen without fighting it. He's not sure which came first, really, his full phoenix transformation or the Sailor Venus one, but it hardly matters at this point; they're both ridiculous.

As Venus, his senses are sharper and he's suddenly very aware that somewhere in that direction, there is an intense feeling of wrong, like the bitter bite of bile, only it's on the wind.

"I'll never get used to that," Thatch says behind him, and Sailor Venus scowls. It's not like he asked to be a Sailor Scout.

He absently wishes, for the millionth time, that he was actually Mercury. From what Shanks had told him, between the laughter, Mercury had the power to find and track youma on her own, and it simply isn't fair.

Still, it is what it is, and at this point Sailor Venus can't go chase down the youma. His family is crowding the beach, and he's not about to leave them unprotected when he's not sure where the threats are, or even how many.

"Hey, Venus," Haruta says behind him, and he turns just enough to get the two troublemakers in sight. "Hey, I have a question."

The feeling of awful is getting stronger, but it's not yet enough to turn his stomach, so he glances at her. There's a handy natural chokepoint in the cliffs surrounding the beach, which should do nicely-

"What flavor is your lip gloss?"

His thoughts screech to a halt and his head whips around to stare at her better. "What?"

"Your lip gloss," Haruta says, gesturing. "What flavor is it? Is it flavored at all? I mean, it's magic, right?"

Venus blinks, then licks his lips. The taste that lingers on his tongue is the same as always, but it's no business of Haruta's at all. "P-peach," he says eventually, and turns back to watch the only approach to the beach. "It's peach flavored."

There's a short scuffle and whisper-fight behind him, but he's not turning around until he knows his face is calm again. "Peach, huh?" Haruta says over Thatch's sniggers. "I wonder if Sailor Moon's is peach, too. Does moon magic taste like peaches?"

"I'm going to go wait up there for the youma, yoi," Venus says determinedly, and doesn't look back.

He is, in fact, focusing so hard on not paying attention to anybody that Sailor Moon hitting the ground next to him takes him completely by surprise

Sailor Moon greets him with a scowl once he's done pretending not to be surprised. "Heard there was a youma around here," Sailor Moon says, tugging absently at the hem of her skirt, and Venus is suddenly twenty percent surer that the person behind the magic is actually a boy.

He nods, not trusting his voice right now, and his stomach turns upside down.

Sailor Moon is still scowling at him. "So why do we have an audience?" she asks, gesturing to the impromptu party on the beach.

Venus sighs. "Because my family is insane," he says. "Normally stuff like this is too dangerous, or too sudden."

"Ah," Sailor Moon says. "But this is relatively safe, so it's a show, huh?"

"You may not believe it," Venus says, "but this is actually them being supportive." At Sailor Moon's scoff, he shrugs. "They believe in me and want to watch me kick youma butt, yoi. They're sure I'll win and they trust that I won't let them be hurt. They know I'm a Sailor Scout, and they wanna know about that part of me, too."

Sailor Moon looks like someone slapped her. "Supportive…?" she repeats, eyes going distant. "They're okay with you being a Sailor Scout?"

Venus shrugs, and swallows back nausea. "We're family, yoi," he says, and even though they're almost out of time, he still has something to say. "But, Sailor Moon," he says, catching her attention. "One of my siblings-the one in green, see her? Don't-don't let her catch you alone, okay?"

Sailor Moon squints back at the beach, one hand drawing her necklace into her wand. "Haruta?" he asks. "Why?"

Venus draws out his now-glowing chain, and starts swinging it in a slow circle. "She was-oh, no reason, yoi."

Sailor Moon gives him a very suspicious sideways look, but they're out of time and they both know it. The youma's all but on top of them.

But there's no youma to be seen. The creeping feeling of wrong assures Venus that there's one here, but he's not seeing it. There's only one way down onto the beach below, and it's this pass.

Sailor Moon steps back next to him, turning to put her back to his. They circle slowly, watching the shadows at the end of the pass, and it's easy as anything to work with her.

Then she's tensing, and her hand tugs the back of his sailor bib as she takes off back down towards the beach. "He's above us," she shouts, and he's already keeping pace.

He never even considered that the youma could come from _above_ , from the cliff itself. There's a squeezing in his throat and his heart is going triple-time, and he sprints with everything he has. He's got to make it before the youma comes down onto the unguarded beach where his family is. He's _got_ to.

Ahead of him, Sailor Moon-how is she _so fast_ -takes a flying leap over the rocks and takes the fall. He can't quite see where she lands, and he pushes a bit harder, coming up over the rocks himself only seconds behind her.

She's tackled the youma, and James and Edgar from the Sixth Division are scattering back from the impact crater.

Venus spends one second he can't afford to exhale and thank everything, and then his chain is flying. Sailor Moon's at the thing's waist so he aims for its inhumanly long throat, even as Sailor Moon executes a very neat kickover, putting her upright and away. Venus tightens the chain and loops it lower around the torso.

But now his weapon's tied up and he can't channel a Crescent Beam while his chain's active. He's about to find out if he can rip a head off with his chain when Sailor Moon huffs behind him and taps his shoulder with her own.

He takes the three steps to clear her way, and she does the same move he watched last time, rotating and scattering moon dust everywhere as she calls for " _Moon Healing Escalation!_ "

He calls his chain back, catching the trailing end just as the youma victim hits the floor. But the oil slick of darkness is still high in his throat, and he spins in just enough time to tangle the second youma and slam it to the ground, preventing it from ambushing Sailor Moon's open back.

He growls and slams it down into the ground again, and Sailor Moon spins, skirt flaring and hair flying. "Thanks," she says distractedly and heals this one, too.

And that's all of them, he thinks; the horrible taste lingering in his mouth is only stale fear. He watches Sailor Moon shake out her wrist with a dull grimace on her face. The crowd on the shore is cheering and laughing, and she turns to him and says, "Thanks for having my back."

He has to gulp for air, suddenly, and stumbles. He'd've hit his knees, but she catches him just in time, wedging a shoulder under his. "Thank _you_ ," he breathes, because the concept of her thanking him for anything is laughable. "You saved-you got there so fast."

"Hey," her voice says above him, but his vision is all swimmy and his ears are ringing with his family's distant voices. "Hey, you're okay. They're okay. You couldn't've known."

"I put my family in danger," he whispers, and the truth burns like guilt on his tongue. "And you saved them, yoi."

"No one was hurt," Sailor Moon says, and starts dragging him down the beach.

He lets the transformation fade, and his chain bites into his knuckles where it's still wrapped tight over his hand. "I could've gotten my family hurt," he says, and stumbles when she throws him forward.

Someone catches him, and the overpowering scent of mint hair gel tells him it's Thatch.

"I think he's broken," Sailor Moon tells them, and he laughs. It's small and rasping and awful, even to him, and he lets Thatch support him.

"I let them come, yoi," he says, and Thatch inhales above him. "I thought I could protect them all."

"You didn't know they'd come from above," Haruta says, crowding into his other side. "Everyone's okay. Even James and Edgar, and you'd best believe Blamenco is chewing them out. It's not your fault."

"Yeah," Sailor Moon adds. "What kind of idiots change towards nightmare demons, anyway?"

There's this really awkward moment as everyone stares at Sailor Moon, and then Marco stands up on his own, clear his throat, and says, "Well. We do."

Sailor Moon gives him this look, eyebrows down, lips pursed, and chin tilted just a bit, and Marco is suddenly and painfully reminded of Ace.

He shakes out his shoulders, inhales, and then he bows and says, "Thank you, Sailor Moon. You saved my family, and for that I owe you my life, yoi."

Sailor Moon recoils and stares at him. "You saved my life right back," she accuses. "We're even, we're so even, please stand up, seriously, I can't deal with this."

Marco does stand up, but only when he's sure his twitching lips won't give him away. Whoever Sailor Moon is, she or he is young, painfully so sometimes.

Luckily, Haruta chooses exactly that moment to slide in between them and sparkle at Sailor Moon. "Hi," she says. " Thanks for saving us again, I love you, you're perfect."

Sailor Moon freezes. "Um." she says, and stares.

Thatch reaches out and grabs the back of her tunic, pulling her back. "Whoa there," he says. "Ace has dibs, remember?"

She starts to protest and Sailor Moon unfreezes. "No, Ace doesn't," she snaps. "No one has dibs, I am a person and you can't call dibs on me."

Haruta sighs dreamily and melts a little.

Marco thwacks her on the head and pulls her back a few steps. "I mean it, though," he says, trying to get the conversation back on track. "You ever need anything, you let Sailor Venus or Marco the Phoenix know, yoi."

Sailor Moon blinks at him, then says, "Sure, fine, whatever. I'm out." She turns to go, but Thatch makes an aborted gesture to catch her wrist.

"Wait!" he says, raising both hands instead. "Hey, sorry, just hang on a sec. Why don't you stay a bit? There's gonna be a party." He makes a completely unnecessary gesture towards the shore, where everyone is already halfway to drunk.

"I see that," Sailor Moon deadpans, "But I've got somewhere to be, so, no thanks."

"But just for a while?" Thatch nearly begs. "Not everyone's here yet, and I wanted you to meet-"

"No!" Sailor Moon says, rounding on Thatch. "I don't want to _meet_ anyone-"

Thatch carries on regardless, and this, Marco thinks, is going to have to stop. It's becoming just a touch pathetic, and he's unreasonably glad Ace isn't here to see this. "But you'd like Ace, he's nice!"

Sailor Moon tugs at her bangs, growls, and says, "I would not like Ace, and he isn't nice, and I wouldn't date him anyway!"

"Why not?" Thatch asks, and it's his turn to be bopped on the head and dragged away. Marco's about to apologize on his behalf when Sailor Moon throws up her arms and says "Because I'm-I'm already dating Haruta!"

There's a moment of quiet in their group, and even Sailor Moon's face goes a bit pale. Stupidly, the only thing Marco can think to say is, "No, you're not."

"Am too!" she says, then lunges forward, wrapping one hand around Haruta's neck and pulling her into a kiss that is remarkably filthy for how short it is.

"See!" she then says, pushing back and away from a still frozen Haruta. "So stop trying to set me up with people!"

And she stomps off, and this time, no one stops her.

Marco watches her go with wide eyes, and Haruta just swoons into a puddle right there on the sand.

Thatch turns to her with a wounded look. "Have you really been dating Sailor Moon all this time?" he demands.

"Strawberry," Haruta sighs dreamily. Marco twitches and pretends he didn't hear that.

"How could you not tell me?!"

"She's _perfect_."

And Marco really can't help but say, "I'm really pretty sure she's actually a guy behind the magic, yoi."

"You've been leading Ace on!" Thatch screeches in the background, and Haruta flips up to stab a finger at Marco.

"I'm with Ace on this," she says. "Girl, guy, creature, I do not give a good goddamn. _She. Is. Perfect."_

Marco throws up his hands. Thatch is on his knees and wailing, Haruta is flopping back over to stare up at the sky and sigh, and Marco is so done.

He stalks a few feet away to where Curiel has set the giant pile of sake bottles. Everyone cheers his arrival and yells congratulations to him as he passes, and he decides tonight it a perfect night to try getting drunk again.

* * *

At some point, people end up back on the ship as well as scattered along the coast. Ace trots out onto the deck and finds Marco just picking up a new bottle of something unmarked that Ace can smell clear across the deck.

He chuckles and slides over to join him. "You okay?" he asks, and steals the bottle for a swig of his own.

He chokes on it but manages to swallow, coughing and hacking after. Marco smiles at him and takes the bottle back while Ace wheezes. "Are you drinking paint thinner?" he asks eventually.

Marco raises the bottle, looks it over, and shrugs. "Fossa gave it to me, yoi," he says. "I'm not sure what it is." Then he raises it and takes a long pull.

Ace stares at him with solid respect. Marco is obviously a man's man, even if he sometimes fights in a miniskirt.

Marco shifts beside him, then sighs and settles. He fidgets with his chain for a second, then slides Ace a sideways glance. Ace waits patiently, and Marco eventually asks, "Hey, do you...did you ever really like Sailor Moon?"

Ace sighs. He'd kinda thought this might happen. "I...respect Sailor Moon," he says, and that's even true, as far as it goes. "She's a hero, and she's out blatantly fighting nightmare demons, and I respect her for that. Do I like her? I never really met her, so I couldn't say." That's a lie, right there, but that's fine. None of this matters, because, "That's not what you're asking, though, is it?"

Marco sits down beside him, and lets his legs dangle off the side of the ship. Ace slides down to join him, and steals the bottle back. "I never had a crush on her," he says, plain and firm. "I don't want to date her, and I'm not about to be heartbroken over anything she might have said or done."

There, that's as clear as he can be, and he takes a smaller, more cautious sip. It's just as bad the second time, but at least he was more prepared for it. He only coughs up about half a lung, and hands the bottle back.

"Oh," Marco says, "Good." he swallows half the bottle easily, and Ace feels vaguely ill just watching. They sit in silence for a moment, and Marco finally says, "I think Haruta's in love with her, yoi."

Ace blinks. "What."

Marco nods. "When I left her on the beach, she was still sighing and telling everyone how perfect Sailor Moon is and how moon magic tastes like strawberries."

Ace absently runs his tongue over his bottom lip, chasing a lingering flavor. Then he sighs, tugs at his bangs, and says, "Do you think they'll lay off on me, then?"

Marco shrugs, and takes another long pull. "Dunno," he says, and stares out at the ocean some more.

Ace kicks his legs and doesn't try for the bottle again. Instead, he asks, "Do you...do you like being Sailor Venus?"

Marco blinks, and Ace waits patiently. Finally, Marco says, "Generally, I answer that question by reminding people I didn't really get a say in the matter."

Ace sighs and nods. He knows that very well.

But Marco isn't done yet. "I didn't get a say, yoi. I was born to be Sailor Venus, and for the longest time, I hated it. Refused to transform." He catches sight of Ace's face and laughs. "I did, it's true, yoi! But then a magical guide showed up to explain everything to me, and it started making sense, you know?

"I'm not Venus because I did something wrong or anything; it's not a punishment. And I'm not Venus because of my family or my history or anything, yoi. I'm Venus because there's something out there that I can fix, _because_ I'm Venus. Because I had the _heart_ for it."

He winces over that, and drinks another fifth of the bottle in one go. "Today I made a mistake and put my family in danger," he says, and holds up his hand to stop Ace's protest. "And Sailor Moon fixed it, yoi. She sensed the danger in time and saved them, and I owe her my life, or at least my sanity, for that. I'm Venus, and I'm still hurting people, but Sailor Moon? Now there's a hero, yoi.

"But still," he goes on as Ace turns his face away. "One day, maybe I'll be in that situation. Maybe I'll be there just in time, and I'll be the one to save someone's life, or their family, or their sanity. Maybe I'll save even one person's heart, because I'm Venus, and that's what Venus is for, yoi.

"So, you know what?" He leans over a bit, like it's some massive secret, and says at his normal volume, "I'm Sailor Venus, and I don't get a say in it, and it doesn't matter if I like it or not, yoi. But I'm starting to think...maybe I do."

* * *

Ace flops down at the table and groans, "I'm huuuuungry."

Haruta perches across from him and grins far too bright for this time of morning. "Hi, Hungry!" she chirps, "I'm Sailor Moon's girlfriend!"

Ace freezes, incredibly grateful his face is still on the table.

"Mmhmm," Haruta tells him, probably getting vast enjoyment out of his suffering. "She said so. And then she kissed me." Ace wishes, for the hundred millionth time, that his blush would stay on his cheeks like a normal human instead of crawling down his throat and across his Haruta leans in but doesn't bother to drop her voice as she tells him, "Sailor Moon is a _fantastic_ kisser. Like, _wow_."

Ace whines pathetically and thinks about crawling under the table. Someone thumps down beside them, and Ace holds his breath and hopes really hard that it's someone who will save him from this conversation.

Then Jozu's voice says, "Really?" and Ace actually goes ahead and slides down as far as he can manage without actually falling. "Hey, is her hair as soft as it looks?"

Haruta sighs happily and starts to describe the whole thing again, despite the fact Jozu had actually been there. Also, maybe Ace is biased, but he doesn't remember magical roses and sparkles and angels singing, like Haruta's describing. He's pretty sure it was more sand and adrenaline and convenience, but to listen to Haruta tell it, Sailor Moon is a fairy tale prince.

Thatch finally comes over, carrying an astounding number of plates, and frowns at them all. Ace looks up in hopes that his friend and brother will save him.

Thatch sets a stack of plates in front of him, then turns to Haruta and hisses, "Shut up, you can't talk about that here!"

Haruta glares at him. "Why not?"

Thatch gestures wildly at Ace, who's pointedly ignoring them all but still a bit red. "You're gloating over stealing your brother's crush!" he hisses in a whisper that carries remarkably well, and Haruta's entire face crumples and she gasps.

"I'm so sorry, Ace!" she wails. "I wasn't thinking-I didn't mean-"

Ace ignores her to start eating, because he figures sooner or later they're gonna ruin his appetite. Sure enough, Thatch is still talking. "You can't brag about banging a Sailor Scout in front of-" and nope, no, that's it, he is _out_.

"Right," he says, and stands. "This is horrible and disrespectful, and I am leaving."

Haruta cries out something behind him, and Thatch's voice is rising pretty steadily, and he's still hungry.

Still, there's a small smile hiding on his lips behind the phantom taste of strawberries. Everything is awful, and Shanks will probably be dropping by soon to laugh at the mess his life has become, but he thinks that he might maybe agree with Marco, after all.

For the first time in his life, he's finding himself thinking that maybe being Sailor Moon isn't the worst thing ever.


End file.
